How've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel cold as steel
Broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, a little hope
In a little girl
The melancholy music, the composition of notes, add to the paradox of its message as the songwriter questions so much.
This world hurts my heart - like the scene in The Secret Life of Bees when August, the oldest sister and beekeeper, explains to Lillie, a lost teenager who has run away from home, why August's sister, May, has a wailing wall. The sadness of the world weighs so heavily upon May that her sisters built her a miniature wailing wall. May writes her sadnesses and her hurts on small pieces of paper and places them between the stones in an effort not to carry the weight of the pain. These trips, though filled with tears, keep May away from the edges of her pain for most of the book. Eventually, the wall can't keep the pain out and May buries herself beneath a stone in a creek on the bee farm. (There's redemption in the book, too. If you haven't read it, you should.)
While I don't feel the hopelessness to which May finally succumbs, I do understand the weight of the sadness she sees in her world.
Turkey, Istanbul, Orlando and those are only the tragedies that make our twitter feeds.
I remember why I'm here
Just surrender and believe
I fall down on my knees
Oh hello world
It's always a toss up whether I am fighting, beating the air in rebellion at the loss of our daughter, or surrendering, resting in the faith and assured hope that I can live until I see her again. Seems like it should be enough that Taylor is with Jesus and the time between now and heaven is but a blink in the scope of eternity, but that knowledge doesn't take away today's pain. I don't know what that says about me...
If my faith is too small...
if my heart is too weak...
If its just part of living and loving...
I just know that wherever I move the rocks of my wall, my pain, I find God. He is always there. Hope you find him there, too.
"Do not be afraid.
Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today -
The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still."