Many words have been strung together to describe the act of marriage - I don't mean to negate them, compliment them or compete with them. I just want for my girls, past and present, to have this one irrefutable gift from the men that they marry.
I want them to have his unconditional acceptance.
My husband and I are so far from perfect the needle bounces, but I have received this gift countless times from him, and today, I received it again.
"Grief is an individual thing"... if I have heard that once, I have heard it a hundred times. It doesn't keep me from worrying that I am hurting those I love. Joey says the only thing that will keep me from worrying is death and I am not for certain he believes even death will keep me from perseverating.
We don't grieve in similar ways. My Joey has a mental acuity I have often coveted; he can focus in a singular fashion and yet have multiple plans or choices if he his first initiative fails. My thoughts are often a plate of spaghetti - with this idea relating to that idea and that idea tied to the idea three pieces of pasta over. He thinks spending a day with my thoughts would be exhausting. Bottom line, he can push his sad thoughts away, and I nurture mine.
Nonetheless, today, as I perseverated on my fear that my perpetual thoughts of our daughter would drive him away frustrated by the constant weight of what I bring, I received his unconditional acceptance once again.
I wear coke bottle glasses when I am not in contacts, breathe through my mouth, prefer large t-shirts to lingerie and ball caps to hair spray; I like hotdogs with mustard and cheese and my diet cokes must come with ice and a straw. I wake up happy ready to talk with a swollen face and a hangry (hungry + angry) belly. I am fiercely independent until I am ready for him to just take care of me - and until recently it was up to him to know the "when". I can work for 16 hours in a day and never understand why he (or anyone else in my vicinity) doesn't see what needs to be done. I am competitive to a fault, and I perseverate over real and unreal problems - with great persistence.
He takes all of this, wraps me up in the strength of his character and his arms, and just lets me be. I can't run him off even though when I was younger, I tried - thankfully, his singular focus refused to be denied.
So along with beautiful weddings, priceless memories and happy children - for my girls - I wish for you husbands who love you - yes - but even past the mush and the passion, the romance and the stories - I wish you husbands that accept you. I want them to accept the you before 6am, the you when your mouth runs before your brain does, the you when you are paralyzed by fear and challenged by fate, the you when you fail and the you when you shine. I pray that your husbands accept the you you have hidden from me and from your girl friends and that when he does you realize the gift you have been given and that our prayers have been answered.
P.S. This is in addition to the many dinners/lunches/ ice cream dates he should have fed you prior to proposing.... love you, each, long time...