My heart broke again when we walked her down the entry hall to say our Christmas goodbyes. Joey got up from his chair to hug her at the door. In my mind, I saw him envelope our girl in his burly arms and hang on as if his embrace could have kept here with us. Duchess bounced to her car, and Joey limped back to his chair; the wound reopened. I stood on the porch and waved to the sweet girl my Taylor loved so much. I prayed for her safety and swallowed my fear.
At times, Joey and I grieve simultaneously and hold hands or sit in silence. Mostly, our grief sabotages us individually. Helpless, we reach or touch, knowing there is nothing that will console the other. After twenty-five years together, we despise the helplessness, the inability to comfort the other, the loneliness that plagues us even when we are together. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the simplest acts of our love. The brief touch in the kitchen as we put up the groceries reminds me that he reads me; the towel he places closer to the shower door before he exits the master bath says I'm always thinking of you; the way he takes my hand in his and then kisses it gently tells me I'm still his girl; the security we practice when one of us would rather be alone with our tears and memories speaks to a deep friendship; the plans we make for tomorrow renew our commitment to hope, to love, to persevere when we do hard things… together.
I would fall hopelessly in love with him again and again each time he made one of Taylor's dreams come true. He is her 'daddy' in the purest, deepest, strongest sense of the word, and I am so blessed God gave me Joey, two beautiful babies, and the simplest, surest, strongest kinds of loves. He creates this memories for Wade as well and nurtures a strong friendship between him and his son. Amazed and thankful, I am humbled this man chose me.
The cavern of sorrow deepens when I cannot ease his pain, but the simplicity of our love and friendship wait with assurance until the shadow passes, and we turn our faces toward warmth and light.
John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."