There's a rhythm to golf; stop rushing it."
My son took me to the driving range today. When I would listen and when my body would do what his words directed, the ball flew straight ahead - like I really did learn how to play this game over forty years ago. When I would rush the back swing or "fail to trust it" as Wade says, the ball would veer left or simply bounce off the turf matt and dribble a few yards forward. I loathe knowing what to do and failing to do it.
These words from my son create a great metaphor - really. Wade in his quest for perfection, has found his rhythm in this life; he steps out with great faith even without the daily love and guidance of his sister who he looked to so often and treasures so dearly. He often trusts without rushing to see the future. How is it that I am this child's mother?
"Lead with your shoulder, Mom. Pause in your back swing. Don't hitch it; you won't hit further." Easing the club back and letting it fall through the ball, I hear the pure sound of a solid shot and literally look up at my 17 year man/boy. His response lacks humility as he motions flippantly with his hands and responds, "See."
His mind and body seldom betray him, his faith an anchor.
I seem to keep hitching in my back swing trying to be stronger than I am, doubting who I am, instead of just easing into who I am meant to be - even without being able to see where I am going.
Often when I hit the golf ball the best, I never even see it. I have kept my head and shoulders so in line with the fluid motion of the swing that my eyes cannot find the flight of the ball.
What I find is I have friends standing behind me - watching waiting to tell me what they see. Riley, the sixteen year-old daughter of one of my oldest friends, had that vision tonight. She texted about her experience at church camp and though she only knows Taylor through her mama - she has opened her heart to what #golighttheworld means in her life. One of her camp counselors, Kylie, is a classmate of Taylor's and together they shared Taylor's story with other kids at camp. Legacy, the camp's theme, reminded each of them of what other's have related about Taylor's life and what never ceases to humble Joey and I about our girl. Riley writes, "....we all went around in my group and spoke about a person that stood out to us individually as legacy, so that was a fantastic opportunity to tell about the legacy Taylor left to #golighttheworld!"
You know we would rather have Taylor here - this is not martyrdom. I find little comfort for grief even when these events take place. I asked God even today -
"Why, God? Why Taylor? How do you expect me to do this?"
And then Wade's lesson came and Riley's text came, and I was reminded that he is with me with - "even unto the end's of the earth." I was reminded that we are an "Easter people" and that "all things work together for those that love him.". Ashley's words replayed in my head, "Her life has a purpose, MammaWitch." And I had to reread Josie's text, "I think we can be happy again, laughing and spontaneous, without being entirely whole. I think great grief and great joy can exist simultaneously, and anything less of either would just be wrong."
"Mom, watch. There's a rhythm" to this.
These young hearts fill mine - and in the moment when the swing is pure and the intent is not hitched by my controlling interference - my heart overflows, even while broken.