Dana doesn't know why the thought she sent today is most appropriate and I can't write about it. Nevertheless, today's message was as if she knew everything just like she did 35 years ago.
When we find out pieces of the judicial process that will continue to occur for the next several months, I discover that I am fragile. In the past, you could give me a force with which to reckon and I would have created or fallen into a plan to combat it. I was certain there was something I could do. To be honest, since my daughter was killed, I seldom know what to do.
My mom, one of the most consistent women I have ever known, always knows what to do. When I was in college, working and earning a degree, I would often call worried about the amount of work in front of me, stifled by the stress. I can remember saying to her even as a young mother, cheer sponsor, teacher, and coach's wife, "I don't even know where to start or how I am going to do all of this." In an even, empathetic voice her response followed along these lines. "Start with one thing. Do what you can. When that is done, do the next." The advice, while true, was often frustrating because the young dramatic me wanted there to be more of a performance. Not mom. Head up, shoulders square, she was off to do the next thing. There was no time for Ethel Barrymore.
Those words came to me yesterday as I walked for miles. My mind was searching for what I was going to do in response to the news I had received about the court case. I was fearful and loathing my lack of control in the situation. I could hear my mom's voice, even and empathetic. "Do one thing." My mind flashed to a memory of Josie, scooting across the floor of the Pickard house without her walker.; I remembered her blog post where she described herself as a mess, and a rebellious one at that, as she refused to be reliant on the walker the orthopedic surgeon had insisted she use. I saw the coffee mug sweet Madison designed inscribed with Taylor's initials. I remembered the Theta scholarship. I remembered the scholarship at Union High School and all the sweet souls who have contributed. I thought of the scholarship at OU my aunt and uncle created, the "Taylor Witcher Go Light The World" scholarship and the print my cousin created celebrating the same phrase.
It took a while but the tenaciousness of these hearts allowed me to crawl back into the light. I refuse to be victim again; regardless of the judicial proceedings, we are already making Taylor's life count for good. We will be as rebel-hearted and strong-willed as Duchess has been in her recovery. We will be as creative as Jill and Madison offering beauty and color and light. And we will be as generous as Boo and Robert and the Union family. Now, if I could only be as tenacious as my mama.
"Fill your mind with thoughts of faith, hope, and victory today."
You loved so well baby girl, and you are loved my so many.