Each time I post a challenge to myself, a promise to grow, please be rest assured that I am given an opportunity to perform. It's as if I am broadcasting to the great antagonist what exactly my "buttons" are and with a maniacal laugh, he sits and presses those buttons like an eight year old in the back of a limousine.
I wrote about loving people in big and small ways, and that's easy when every one is acting kind. It's a bit more of a challenge for me when you mess with the folks that I love. I remembered yesterday's post and chided myself for not being a better part of the "collective light" I had intended to share today. Telling my son that I will pray for xxxx is not as effective when you first have to ask for forgiveness for the thoughts describing what you would like to do to xxxx.... Oh my......
It is, however, real, and my personal opinion is that my kids need to see the real and then the real remorse and the real forgiveness. For me, it's the best way to develop the muscles for real love.
My first reaction to a challenge today was not one of love or light. As Wade walked up stairs laughing at his mama, I thought about my post yesterday. As we left the gym hours later and my ornery husband shared his music, Tom Petty's song, reminded me again of my shortcoming. Tom Petty is NOT the author of our song, but he is so very right about one idea:
"Good love is hard to find...." in me...