It is here every day.
It never goes away - the sadness, the emptiness, the longing for a time that seems to have been just a moment ago, but yet, the calendar reminds us that over 1500 days have passed. You remember some of the days; you smiled; you laughed; you enjoyed time with others - but always, it was there.
There is no moving on.
Every body's grief journey takes a unique path, but for me there is no moving on.
There is only carrying it.
No, there is no moving on - there is only carrying it.
We will celebrate our son this Saturday. He has made only the slightest scratch at OSU compared to the mark he will leave on this old world. He's been named to the Top Ten Freshmen list at OSU. It is an honor I remember from my own college days, sitting in the stands at was then just Lewis Field and listening to the names being called over the PA system. I remember marveling at the students' accomplishments and wondering how all of that could be attained. To be the parent of a young man, who took the whole process in stride with hardly a blink leaves me in awe.
His daddy told him, that day in the hospital, the day we knew, the day we begged the machines to tell a different story, his daddy told Wade that he couldn't shut down on us, that he couldn't leave us. There is no doubt in my mind Wade's accomplishments would be his accomplishments today with his sister here. His talents, his intelligence, his ability to process large quantities of information astound me. That didn't change. He didn't shut down; instead, he accelerated through the pain.
However, his ability to carry this grief and accomplish all that God has given him to do humbles me. I chose his verse - Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." when he was in 8th grade - because he chose to be courageous as a young teen with his faith and his gifts. Like Taylor existed as a living reminder that we should be bold with our light and share it with reckless abandon, Wade continues to show me how to live determined, set apart, with great courage and the knowledge that we are not alone.
Wouldn't it be great if we could just compartmentalize the grief, the events, the joy from the sadness - that's not how this works as we carry our sweet girl with us.
We don't want to put what we carry down; what we carry is all we have.
Whether we see that in scripture or in the lives of our children, God is faithful to remind us.
#golighttheworld
#bestrongandcourageous