My sweet, faithful friend had a cancer the size of a fist removed from her hip. Aggressive testing revealed that it was isolated.
Sheryl moved to Florida this July. Today she flew in for her own heartache, but made a b-line for my office and my neck - just to hug me.
Jeffrey, my friend from high school sent me a link to a beautiful, touching insightful blog. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/how-the-brave-deal-with-losses/
The words of the author resonated within my mind and heart. Additionally, the fact that he felt the author's words would reach me, moved me beyond my ability to explain. I have spent very little time with this man in the last 28 years and he remembers my heart. (Did I tell you he married a Theta?)
Kathy's nephew was born so early; he barely weighed one pound. Can you imagine what a baby that weighs one pound looks like to a first time mother? He weighs six pounds today. She held him and fed him and has hope for him.
Taylor's friends sort through her various social media posts and make them appear on my timeline by liking them. Today's was a picture of a beautiful sun filled landscape she posted, the caption -"God has a great plan for your life - Trust him." I find this the moment I can't stop the question "Why?' from rolling over and over in my brain.
My son hugs me intentionally these days and for several moments. He doesn't forget. He isn't too busy. Sometimes he stands on his tip toes so my head rests on his chest; sometimes he bends and rests his head on my shoulder. Always, he volunteers this hug and my heart rests.
Finally, when I tell my mama that I feel punished and angry and that I am not sure I am willing to be this broken, she writes,
"I truly do not think God looked at Lisa and Joey and Taylor and Wade and said, "I want to hurt them."
God's letting that woman's choice cause such pain is not him deciding to
punish you. And you know you do not deserve punishment for bringing such a beautiful life into the world and nurturing it so carefully and lovingly. You just could not have been a better mother to Taylor.
I'm not sure it's possible "to be willing" to suffer the loss you've
suffered. Jesus even asked his Father three times before yielding to the
crucifixion if there could be some other way to redeem humanity, and He is God.
Bless you for even thinking about being willing to be this broken. God is
Psalm 116:2 Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breathe.
My God is big enough for my anger, for my lack of faith, for my selfishness.
One good thing.
#golighttheworld baby girl You continue to light mine.
I still believe...