All of that to say, I don't have a good day ever when I have to have my teeth cleaned, and today was no different. My sweet dentist prayed for my family before I left his office, having lost his own brother as a young man. And so I cried; however, I stayed in the chair and got my teeth cleaned even though the air for the suction hose sounds like the ventilator from her ICU room and the suction itself reminds me of the ICU nurse cleaning her intubation tube and mouth. The sadness was greater than the urge to vomit, but I stayed in the chair.
After that my heart was just not in for work, but I went because Joey and I don't quit. My girl and her daddy are two of the most driven, hard-headed, rebellious, enduring, strong individuals I have ever known. They do not know defeat; it doesn't exist in their vocabulary much less their DNA. That trait is one of the many reasons I fell hopelessly in love with this man, and why I admire my daughter so. I went to work, and I looked for a way to be purposeful and willed myself to stay when every inch of my body wanted to collapse.
When Wade finished his PSAT test, he took me to lunch.We laughed in the car together and he ordered a sandwich the size of my right calf, inhaling it (after I removed the onions). I had helped me study last night - working through some grammar exercises. Mostly, we worked on parallel structures. As he told me about the test, he offered praise, albeit with surprise in his voice, that I had actually helped him on the test. Apparently, I am pretty smart sometimes. :)
I finished my day at the office a little after six; thankfully, I did find a way to be helpful.
A little after six, I picked up my phone and keys and turned to leave the office. My shoulders sank. The world was just as empty as it was when I left the house. I can't change this. I can't call her while I'm driving home. I know the little girl in this picture. I know her well enough to know the tone of her voice when she used to text me - and I look for her every day.
So this perseverance thing - it doesn't always work for me - as I can't seem to be convinced that she is gone.
Today, though, for those hours between the morning when the world began again without her and the evening when the day would end without her voice at the other end of my phone - for those hours, I persevered.
Romans tell us that perseverance produces hope - we will work toward that another day.
I have two great accomplishments - the red head standing with her daddy in this picture is one of them. Isn't she beautiful!