I don't know what that says about me, about the process of acceptance or healing. When I look at the right hand side of my computer screen, I see the names of the five months I have been writing, the five months that have come since the world lost Taylor.
Writing about something else feels like a betrayal, feels like I am acting like I have grown satisfied or content with a world without Taylor. I haven't; I won't.
I will learn how to carry this loss more gracefully, more courageously.. I will learn how to celebrate the good in other parts of my life because I am so blessed. I am just not ready to stop writing about her, as if I was ready for any of this.
These words - I am not sure if they are a haven or a shower of self-pity - but I'm thankful for them.
We miss you baby girl. You were wanted, and you are loved.
I will try to do better tomorrow.